“One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities.” Harry Emerson Fosdick

Home Sweet Home

by my best friend Laura Rösicke

Can a heart go wrong? And how do you trust your feelings when they appear and disappear how they like?
The only way to find out is to have the feelings.

This song made me seriously cry. I dont know why. I hardly cry. Maybe twice a year.

I sometimes cry a lot inside though but hey ho.  

Blisters and cuts

sore hands

working hard for my money

Work Sleep Work Sleep Work Sleep

Day in, Day out

Days turning into weeks like nothing

Weekends seem like a blink

Horst Gläsker crafted a skillful painting on the Holsteiner stairs in Wuppertal using acrylic paint on 112 steps. The fourth staircase contains fifteen German words for love.

This is fucked up.

First the attack in Norway and then Amy Winehouse.

Heart-breaking. 

I know there is a human being dying every second, so is every second a new born coming into our world. 

I'm also aware of the situation in Africa right now and I'm genuinely sorry.

But I think it's easier for us to relate to teenagers in Europe then people in Africa dying in a desert due to lack of water and food.

Innocent young people on holiday, gone. Just like that. Only because of one sick Nazi cunt. Tragedy.

And I know the death of Amy wasn't really unexpected.She struggled a lot lately. It's still incredibly sad nonetheless and it hit me hard as I heard about her death. I am shocked. I loved her from the first moment on. I'm not that kind of person who first ripped her apart and now suddenly cries cause she's gone. That's so wrong and hypocritical. I've always been a fan of her. Besides all her drug and alcohol abuse, man she was a, no actually THE amazingly talented singer. One of a kind. Yes she went over the top and yes she behaved totally irresponsibly and unprofessionally in the last few years but so did Jimi, Janis, Jim and Kurt. The drugs turned them into wrecks.  

Such a waste. Such a waste.

Cherry, my favourite song.

Think about it.

At some point in our lives, all of us experience the struggle of letting go. We tend to cling to old habits or resentments that make our progress forward difficult or even impossible. When we encounter impasses in our life, we summon our old stubbornness and pride and hopelessly thrash about. Fighting our defects means living from a “me” instead of “we” perspective. Old habits die slowly. We experience many old feelings of shame and remorse over past binges, as well as regrets about failed relationships. These feelings haunt us with an intensity we hadn’t known while we were medicating our feelings.

When we are confronted with unpleasant feelings and the necessity to change, we may fall back on our deepest instinct – we fight. Whether the problem is to move on after a relationship ends, we cannot change as long as we struggle.

Change is frightening. The past may have been miserable, but at least it was familiar. We become comfortable with old habits and thought patterns which keep us from growing. Our negative thoughts can snowball and, at times consume us. Negative thinking separates us from a sense of belonging, suffocates our hope and prevents us from gaining true happiness. Negativity has been a part of our lives for so many years, we need a great deal of practice to develop positive views.

If we pause in the midst of our struggles and worries, we can give ourselves time to let a new realisation sink in; we don’t have to fight anymore. We have another choice: we can surrender. Rather than manipulating situations, we can surrender control. Surrender is essentially an act of trust. When we let go, we can trust events to unfold on their own. Trust gives us a sense of acceptance, and through acceptance we find serenity.

Paradoxically, surrender is not the same as giving up. Surrender means exchanging “me” for “we”; letting go.

Many of us cling to old habits and problems, even though we realise they cause more harm than good. Deep in our hearts we feel alone in the world. We should share our strengths, experiences and hopes. Listening to suggestions would be appropriate, instead of dismissing ideas that differed from ours. Gaining a sense of connection with others helps build a spiritual foundation that will sustain us in times of trouble.

It may be easy to slip into old ways of thinking during times of stress and look for impulsive, desperate or easy solutions. We need to remember we now have more options than we had previously thought imaginable. We are humans, with all the freedom which that brings. When we are confronted with a problem, we feel afraid; but by cultivating a positive attitude of faith and hope we can put our problems in perspective.

Times of pain are always opportunities for growth. We don’t need to solve all our problems in a day, we don’t have to solve all our problems by ourselves. All we need to do is reach upon ourselves.

Patterns of being overly critical and controlling usually means we are avoiding taking a good look at ourselves. We may be ignoring a character defect. It’s easier to blame our problems on someone else. When we let go of our efforts to change other people, we take responsibility for our own growth and change. We can turn things around by realising we are not the center of the universe. We are each separate and unique.

Isolation is another warning that tells us to let go. We often isolate ourselves when we feel secretly ashamed about a problem. We may be in an abusive or overly dependent relationship. We should begin by being honest with ourselves and others, instead of telling them everything is fine. We need to be gentle with ourselves and patient with others.

The pain of personal growth is part of the human experience. While going through painful periods, we can be good to ourselves.

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself, you have to know that you're a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not won't. Relationships are worth fighting for but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting at times, people need to fight for you if they don't, you must move on and realise what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully people realise great things when they come around and don't lose something real.

Yummy! Especially from 2.33 onwards.

JOY! Awh how happy my friends are to have me back for the summer!!! And awh how happy I am having those crazy buggers around again. Glad I spent the weekend at Pösinger Open Air. H i la r i o u s!

Me: " Mate, I think something is burning. Can you smell it? "
Mate: " Nah, can't see anything. "
(after 3 secs silence)
Me: " HOLY SHIT!! It's me!!!!!! My lap's on fire! "

Look at the sky. That is all for you.

Miranda July

I'm not gonna lie. Probably the most beautiful time lapse video I've ever seen.


The Mountain from TSO Photography on Vimeo.

I've got lots to say. But I'm just tired of thinking. I don't wanna think anymore.I'm outta here. goodbye world.

There are no perfect men in the world, only perfect intentions. - Robin Hood

Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius. And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. And when it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them. - Marilyn Monroe

First day at work. It was pretty much alright. Holiday work at Siemens for the next 2 months. Sweet money.
I forgot how satisfying and liberating a bike ride through the woods at dusk is. Just as the sun kisses the horizon.The fresh summerly breeze touching your senses. Lovely.

 Forgot about it. Here it is again.

Amazing. Four days in Germany and already a decent tan. Yeah boi.
My sis came to visit me for the weekend as she heard I'm back at home. Good times.

 

Gallows

I forgot about the gig I went to this time last wednesday. Mind-blowing!! Human pyramids, Frank Carter performing on the bar and bleeding from his forehead, walls of death, circle pits, everyone climbing poles and hanging off the ceiling. So much fun and it was so honest. And Frank is hilarious, he could get away as a comedian. Perfect show. More of it please!

Last weekend was wicked. Some amazing scottish friends came down to Bristol and we headed with our special self-made cup cakes on a trolley towards St.Pauls Carnival and sold them. Once again everybody in the city was dancing on the streets. Vibrating is an understatement. One love for sure.

On monday I met Steve, a psychologist, energy healer and spiritual teacher. I talked with him about lot of stuff and he looked into my energy fields. He removed all black blockages and what he basically said was that he's actually never seen something like that before in his life. I had very special energy fields configurations, very unusual and one of the biggest, pinkest  expansive hearts, full of pure love, he ever met. He also said I shouldn't worry, it doesn't mean I'm a weirdo he would call it special haha. He said those are magical energies in me and he was totally excited about it. Oh bless him, he's so nice.  

Yesterday I left Bristol for the summer but managed to miss my flight. Buggeration. It wasn't my fault though, the bus was an hour late, the tube to the airport wouldn't be on time either and apologised at every stop for further delays and eventually I got kicked out the train by some guards because I had a wrong ticket. Funnily enough, at the same time some good things happened. I got a call from mum that I got a job for the next 2 months, the guards turned out to be really sorry and nice and seriously tried to help me out and the man from british airways sold the flight ticket 60 pounds cheaper. Still. Waste of money spending on a new flight when I could have gone with my first one. 

But it's really funny, this has been happening to me all the time recently. Good and bad things combined together. No ups and downs as per usual. Rather a collision of both sides, trying to challenge each other. Weird stuff.

Here's a really nice acoustic version by a swedish band.

They're just enjoying it. It's all about fun. Cool lads. 

SPOT ON.