"Life is short. Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly."- Paulo Coelho
This is one of the songs I'm going to perform on Tuesday. Luckily not at 9.00 o'clock in the morning again like last time but around 11am onwards. This is good, very good.
Oh and yeah haha! Dave Grohl left a message for us BIMM students. You can tell he was being forced to do that and he ain't got a clue what BIMM actually is but bless him for doing it anyway :) thanks Dave, you're a truly legend, love you woohoo!
I just need someone who puts his arm supertight around me and says, everything's gonna be fine, I'll take care of it. That would change a lot.
Otherwise, pretty long, very long day. Recording in the studio and rehearsal for my audition was fun though. Love this lifestyle. And funnily enough, as exhausting as it was for me, especially in my condition, I feel "refreshed" by the feeling of having done something productive and things moving forward.
Yeah this song is about going outside. If I have one of those days and I just feel like staying at home and hiding away, I'm always telling myself, hey. Nothing will happen to you if you stay at home. Exactly, you will not make a memory that will stay. If you want something to change, something to see or to experience, you must go outside and live it! It will not come into your room by its own.
"A true friend freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably." William Penn
U Know what?! Ur the Best Mother fucking Friend on Earth! Really! I Love you with my heart, my Soul, my Body! Can't believe how cute u are! When i Read the post on my Wall i was so pissed, but just a Second later i Read Ur reaction and it really really made me smile! Ur like a mommy Lion who protects its Baby! Thanx 4 that hon!
India's a blast! I'm Feeling so good, so relaxed, so confident. The weather's just amazing, i got a tan already, Met cool People, smoked some bang, drank some chai, ate Great Food with my Hands....enjoying my life. U would Love this whole fuckin' Country! Love u hon! Keep in Touch!
Laura sent me the message this morning from India. Absolutely made my day! Made my heart jump like a Ninja. Love her to bits. She will be travelling the next couple of weeks through India and Nepal and I want to join her. Don't know how but she already said, she wouldn't be surprised if I'd make it. I've been planning to go to India since last year but living in the UK and basically be on the breadline most of the time doesn't make it easy. Let's see. Miracles are called miracles for a reason. And empty pockets never hold me back that easily.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand." Henri Nouwen
This week was a little high after this supermassive black hole. Especially today I feel back to life. A step forward. Productive. Miracles. Not like the last three weeks spent in despair. And finally got my keyboard through and wrote a song straight away, maybe that's why. It's called " Not in Love hey! " and I think it's cool. I love the new raw sound and the new single 'White Limo' by the Foo Fighters, but to be honest I can't wait for this one.
"As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison." - Nelson Mandela
Yesterday my friend Aga told me the following which made me realise a lot again:
I've spoken to my Yoga teacher recently and I've started to moan a little bit, that I'm often torn, back and forth and I have the feeling not to know where I belong to, who I am, what I am and so on. And she answered totally relaxed: " but thats wonderful, isn't it. Yin and Yang in a marked form, it's supposed to be like that, only black AND white yield an entity. You shouldn't try to dip everything into grey but consciously experience the extremes, the white in the black and the black in the white. Where is the problem???" Ha, that's so good!
And my friend also reminded me of that:
You have everything what you need. In yourself! Nowhere else.You have everything. It's in you.
I just came across this blog; Jamie I love you for that, your words are supermagical, utterly effective as well as affective. You exactly expressed what I was trying to find. You simply hit the mark, you hit me, you got to the heart of it. I think nobody could have explained it better than you did. no one. ever.
thanks. no really just thanks.
Dear Valentine's Day,
My friend Don wrote a blog about you today and his blog suggests that you used to look a lot different than you do today. He says that you are the product of a poet and that before this poet's pen, you were not a romantic holiday.
i think i would have liked you more back then, whenever that was. The truth is that you really bother me now. i think you bother a lot of people, honestly. i'm not sure how you got so much power. You show up every year right after Christmas. You turn the windows pink and you sell your diamonds on the radio and i think i've gotten five emails from 1-800-FLOWERS in the last three days.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that i don't like love. i love love - i think it's the best thing that happens on the planet. It's the biggest dream inside me. But i bought a lie somewhere along the way. i bought the lie that says i'm not alive if i'm not in love. i bought the lie that says if i love someone but then they stop loving me or they start loving someone else, then i must have no value or power or worth. i bought the lie that says if i'm not in love, then i'm as good as dead.
And if you believe that lie long enough, it makes a giant hole. It makes a hole so big that no one person could ever begin to fill it. Not even a princess. Believe me, i've tried. To fill it with a person, to fill it with beauty, to fill it with all the things you sell.
But i don't think it works that way. Bono says his songs come from a God-shaped hole inside of him. He's my favorite singer and he has a lot of things. He has great stories and a wife and kids and plenty of money. But in spite of all of those things, he says he still has this hole and he says that it's the reason that he sings.
i've been thinking lately that maybe i've confused a girl for God, a different one every year or two, since the first day of junior high. And man, that is a lot of pressure to put on someone, to make them God. That is a ton of power to hand to someone. Especially when they're just a person. A person with questions and flaws and pain of their own.
So maybe there's a war, inside of me and for me and maybe my heart is the opposite of small. Maybe it's the opposite of cheap and empty and alone. Maybe it's sacred and enormous and wild.
To make a long story short, i think i've given you way too much power. i let you scare me and i let you name me and i let you tell me what i'm worth.
i don't want to do that anymore.
There are dreams inside of me and those are mine and my guess is that they're there for a reason. But for all the days like now where the dreams are asked to be only dreams, i'm gonna keep getting out of bed. i'm gonna keep living my story. i'm gonna believe that there is reason and purpose, and power in my life. i'm gonna believe that i'm alive inside a story bigger than my pain, bigger than everything missing.
It crossed my mind to try to ignore you, to try to go to bed early and wake up when you're gone. But i changed my mind. i am part of a gang in Florida and we're gonna get together tonight. We're going to open our computers and we're going to choose to believe that words are powerful. We're gonna do our best to tell someone something true. We're gonna ask people not to give up on their stories.
Valentine's Day, i don't hate you. i don't even blame you. Perhaps you did not name yourself. Perhaps you are the product of hundreds of years, hundreds of thousands of broken people and a million God-shaped holes.
Keyboard of course!! Finally! Well £5 left till the 23rd but at least I can practise Sight Reading and Theory properly and writing new songs now, WIN!
Finding yourself weighing the pursuit of your heart's desire against the cost of fulfilling it.YeP, exactly!
explored I have a Gemini ascendent and this explains it:
You spend lots of time asking questions and… answering them. Your curiosity and your quick-wittedness are insatiable. Your mind is in constant turmoil, hopping from one topic to another, solving problems, accumulating anecdotes and knowledge within a short range of time. Your mobility is mostly mental, it takes you afar and turns your daily life into a mosaic of intense and pleasant moments that are not necessarily related to each other.
"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming."
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Well what can I say, been to the hospital today and they put me off till next week. again.
I just want it to be over, really really really.
but hold on, there was actually one good thing to remember. As I was running late and calling the hospital, I was put on the waiting line surprisingly with some lovely Beatles songs for 5 minutes. I enjoyed that.
All those quotes which helped me through the night:
John Greenleaf Whittier For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those 'It might have been.'
Margaret Mitchell I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
Cynthia Nelms Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy
Buddha All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.
Martin Luther King Jr. Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying
Vincent Van Gogh One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.
Mark Twain Be good and you will be lonely
Nicole Kidman I refuse to let what happened to me make me bitter. I still completely believe in love and I'm open to anything that will happen to me.
it is what it is, it's not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.
Sufi Epigram When the heart grieves over what it has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
James M. Barrie If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.
Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion.
Julie Andrews All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time
Norman Cousins Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
Herr Lipp The absence of love is the most abject pain.
W. M. Lewis The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.
Winston Churchill Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong
African Proverb However long the night, the dawn will break
David Borenstein Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.
It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye
Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult
I dont miss him, I miss who I thought he was
miss you a little, I guess you could say, a little too much, a little too oftern, and a little more each day.
Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours
I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile
The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.
Richard M. Nixon (1913 - 1994)
To say the truth, reason and love keep little company together now-a-days.
Judy Garland For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
And I've decided I wanna be in a room full of butterflies
and I found one
"This exciting exhibit features spectacular butterfly and moth species from across the world. Taking the theme of a tropical rainforest, the undercover walk-through is surrounded by a landscaped nectar garden, immersing you in a butterfly paradise as you wander freely through a colourful array of butterflies, moths and flowers." Bristol Zoo