“Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.”- Wilma Rudolph
“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry.”
“There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so just keep on rolling under the stars.”
“The only truth is music.”
“Happiness consists in realizing it is all a great strange dream”
“A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world.”
“My witness is the empty sky.”
“I have lots of things to teach you now, in case we ever meet,
concerning the message that was transmitted to me under a pine tree
in North Carolina on a cold winter moonlit night. It said that
Nothing Ever Happened, so don't worry. It's all like a dream.
Everything is ecstasy, inside. We just don't know it because of our thinking-minds.
But in our true blissful essence of mind is known that everything is alright
forever and forever and forever. Close your eyes, let your hands
and nerve-ends drop, stop breathing for 3 seconds, listen to the silence
inside the illusion of the world, and you will remember the lesson
you forgot, which was taught in immense milky way soft cloud innumerable worlds
long ago and not even at all. It is all one vast awakened thing. I call it the golden eternity.
It is perfect. We were never really born, we will never really die. It has nothing to do
with the imaginary idea of a personal self, other selves, many selves everywhere:
Self is only an idea, a mortal idea. That which passes into everything is one thing.
It's a dream already ended. There's nothing to be afraid of and nothing to be glad about.
I know this from staring at mountains months on end. They never show any expression,
they are like empty space. Do you think the emptiness of space will ever crumble away?
Mountains will crumble, but the emptiness of space, which is the one universal essence
of mind, the vast awakenerhood, empty and awake, will never crumble away because
it was never born."
“I felt like lying down by the side of the trail and remembering it all. The woods do that to you, they always look familiar, long lost, like the face of a long-dead relative, like an old dream, like a piece of forgotten song drifting across the water, most of all like golden eternities of past childhood or past manhood and all the living and the dying and the heartbreak that went on a million years ago and the clouds as they pass overhead seem to testify (by their own lonesome familiarity) to this feeling.”
“Happy. Just in my swim shorts, barefooted, wild-haired, in the red fire dark, singing, swigging wine, spitting, jumping, running—that's the way to live. All alone and free in the soft sands of the beach by the sigh of the sea out there, with the Ma-Wink fallopian virgin warm stars reflecting on the outer channel fluid belly waters. And if your cans are redhot and you can't hold them in your hands, just use good old railroad gloves, that's all.”
“It always makes me proud to love the world somehow- hate's so easy compared.”
“Ah, life is a gate, a way, a path to Paradise anyway, why not live for fun and joy and love or some sort of girl by a fireside, why not go to your desire and LAUGH...”
“Things are so hard to figure out when you live from day to day in this feverish and silly world. ”
“Are we fallen angels who didn't want to believe that nothing is nothing and so were born to lose our loved ones and dear friends one by one and finally our own life, to see it proved?”
“Love is all.”
“I believed in a good home, in sane and sound living, in good food, good times, work, faith and hope. I have always believed in these things. It was with some amazement that I realized I was one of the few people in the world who really believed in these things without going around making a dull middle class philosophy out of it. I was suddenly left with nothing in my hands but a handful of crazy stars.”
Believe in the whole contour of life.
They danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
No man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored solitude in the wilderness, finding himself depending solely on himself and thereby learning his true and hidden strength. Learning for instance, to eat when he's hungry and sleep when he's sleepy.
One night I realized that when you give people understanding and encouragement a funny little meek childish look abashes their eyes, no matter what they've been doing they weren't sure it was right
Thinking of the stars night after night I begin to realize "The stars are words" and all the innumerable worlds in the Milky Way are words, and so is this world too. And I realize that no matter where I am, whether in a little room full of thought, or in this endless universe of stars and mountains, it's all in my mind.
Mankind is like dogs, not gods — as long as you don't get mad they'll bite you — but stay mad and you'll never be bitten. Dogs don't respect humility and sorrow.
Straighten yourself and you will not stand steady;
Display yourself and you will not be clearly seen;
Justify yourself and you will not be respected;
Promote yourself and you will not be believed;
Pride yourself and you will not endure.
These behaviours are wasteful, indulgent,
And so they attract disfavour;
Harmony avoids them.
"The only journey is the journey within. "- Rainer Maria Rilke
Many people are wondering why I'm so smiley. Maybe because a smile is the beginning of peace. Maybe because a smile is the shortest way between two people. Maybe because a smile can change somebody's world. Or maybe because it's a powerful weapon and you can break ice with it. Maybe because it's infectious. Maybe because it's healing. Or maybe because it confuses people. Maybe because it costs nothing but gives so much. Maybe because a little bit sunshine is good for your teeth. Or maybe just because it makes me feel alive.
And this is definitely a song which makes me smile
I am sorry for my incredibly long absence but there were couple of reasons. Work, no internet are some of them. Now that everything is, more than less, back to "normal", I will try to continue my blog on a regular basis. Loads of things happened. Basically the summer was over and I came back to Bristol for my 2nd year of Uni. Found a new flat in Old Market with a lovely friend of mine, moved houses 3 weeks ago, started my studies which I still enjoy, met lots of new people, met my old friends, fell in love, painted my walls electric teal, starting a new band, writing new songs, life is going on.
" If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide."- Gandhi
I spend most of the time with guys. Best mate and coolest girl ever. Mental but adorable. Hard to get though, they say. Like a danger zone which attracts guys but most of them are scared to get burned. Great. And everytime I have a crush on one of them, they are not interested they say. How frustrating. Just want some loving too. Could be so easy.
Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful, it is threatening because it means things may get worse. To the hopeful, it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident, it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better. King Whitney Jr.
First the attack in Norway and then Amy Winehouse.
I know there is a human being dying every second, so is every second a new born coming into our world.
I'm also aware of the situation in Africa right now and I'm genuinely sorry.
But I think it's easier for us to relate to teenagers in Europe then people in Africa dying in a desert due to lack of water and food.
Innocent young people on holiday, gone. Just like that. Only because of one sick Nazi cunt. Tragedy.
And I know the death of Amy wasn't really unexpected.She struggled a lot lately. It's still incredibly sad nonetheless and it hit me hard as I heard about her death. I am shocked. I loved her from the first moment on. I'm not that kind of person who first ripped her apart and now suddenly cries cause she's gone. That's so wrong and hypocritical. I've always been a fan of her. Besides all her drug and alcohol abuse, man she was a, no actually THE amazingly talented singer. One of a kind. Yes she went over the top and yes she behaved totally irresponsibly and unprofessionally in the last few years but so did Jimi, Janis, Jim and Kurt. The drugs turned them into wrecks.
At some point in our lives, all of us experience the struggle of letting go. We tend to cling to old habits or resentments that make our progress forward difficult or even impossible. When we encounter impasses in our life, we summon our old stubbornness and pride and hopelessly thrash about. Fighting our defects means living from a “me” instead of “we” perspective. Old habits die slowly. We experience many old feelings of shame and remorse over past binges, as well as regrets about failed relationships. These feelings haunt us with an intensity we hadn’t known while we were medicating our feelings.
When we are confronted with unpleasant feelings and the necessity to change, we may fall back on our deepest instinct – we fight. Whether the problem is to move on after a relationship ends, we cannot change as long as we struggle.
Change is frightening. The past may have been miserable, but at least it was familiar. We become comfortable with old habits and thought patterns which keep us from growing. Our negative thoughts can snowball and, at times consume us. Negative thinking separates us from a sense of belonging, suffocates our hope and prevents us from gaining true happiness. Negativity has been a part of our lives for so many years, we need a great deal of practice to develop positive views.
If we pause in the midst of our struggles and worries, we can give ourselves time to let a new realisation sink in; we don’t have to fight anymore. We have another choice: we can surrender. Rather than manipulating situations, we can surrender control. Surrender is essentially an act of trust. When we let go, we can trust events to unfold on their own. Trust gives us a sense of acceptance, and through acceptance we find serenity.
Paradoxically, surrender is not the same as giving up. Surrender means exchanging “me” for “we”; letting go.
Many of us cling to old habits and problems, even though we realise they cause more harm than good. Deep in our hearts we feel alone in the world. We should share our strengths, experiences and hopes. Listening to suggestions would be appropriate, instead of dismissing ideas that differed from ours. Gaining a sense of connection with others helps build a spiritual foundation that will sustain us in times of trouble.
It may be easy to slip into old ways of thinking during times of stress and look for impulsive, desperate or easy solutions. We need to remember we now have more options than we had previously thought imaginable. We are humans, with all the freedom which that brings. When we are confronted with a problem, we feel afraid; but by cultivating a positive attitude of faith and hope we can put our problems in perspective.
Times of pain are always opportunities for growth. We don’t need to solve all our problems in a day, we don’t have to solve all our problems by ourselves. All we need to do is reach upon ourselves.
Patterns of being overly critical and controlling usually means we are avoiding taking a good look at ourselves. We may be ignoring a character defect. It’s easier to blame our problems on someone else. When we let go of our efforts to change other people, we take responsibility for our own growth and change. We can turn things around by realising we are not the center of the universe. We are each separate and unique.
Isolation is another warning that tells us to let go. We often isolate ourselves when we feel secretly ashamed about a problem. We may be in an abusive or overly dependent relationship. We should begin by being honest with ourselves and others, instead of telling them everything is fine. We need to be gentle with ourselves and patient with others.
The pain of personal growth is part of the human experience. While going through painful periods, we can be good to ourselves.
Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself, you have to know that you're a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not won't. Relationships are worth fighting for but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting at times, people need to fight for you if they don't, you must move on and realise what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully people realise great things when they come around and don't lose something real.
Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius. And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. And when it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them. - Marilyn Monroe
First day at work. It was pretty much alright. Holiday work at Siemens for the next 2 months. Sweet money.
I forgot how satisfying and liberating a bike ride through the woods at dusk is. Just as the sun kisses the horizon.The fresh summerly breeze touching your senses. Lovely.
I forgot about the gig I went to this time last wednesday. Mind-blowing!! Human pyramids, Frank Carter performing on the bar and bleeding from his forehead, walls of death, circle pits, everyone climbing poles and hanging off the ceiling. So much fun and it was so honest. And Frank is hilarious, he could get away as a comedian. Perfect show. More of it please!
Last weekend was wicked. Some amazing scottish friends came down to Bristol and we headed with our special self-made cup cakes on a trolley towards St.Pauls Carnival and sold them. Once again everybody in the city was dancing on the streets. Vibrating is an understatement. One love for sure.
On monday I met Steve, a psychologist, energy healer and spiritual teacher. I talked with him about lot of stuff and he looked into my energy fields. He removed all black blockages and what he basically said was that he's actually never seen something like that before in his life. I had very special energy fields configurations, very unusual and one of the biggest, pinkest expansive hearts, full of pure love, he ever met. He also said I shouldn't worry, it doesn't mean I'm a weirdo he would call it special haha. He said those are magical energies in me and he was totally excited about it. Oh bless him, he's so nice.
Yesterday I left Bristol for the summer but managed to miss my flight. Buggeration. It wasn't my fault though, the bus was an hour late, the tube to the airport wouldn't be on time either and apologised at every stop for further delays and eventually I got kicked out the train by some guards because I had a wrong ticket. Funnily enough, at the same time some good things happened. I got a call from mum that I got a job for the next 2 months, the guards turned out to be really sorry and nice and seriously tried to help me out and the man from british airways sold the flight ticket 60 pounds cheaper. Still. Waste of money spending on a new flight when I could have gone with my first one.
But it's really funny, this has been happening to me all the time recently. Good and bad things combined together. No ups and downs as per usual. Rather a collision of both sides, trying to challenge each other. Weird stuff.
Here's a really nice acoustic version by a swedish band.
They're just enjoying it. It's all about fun. Cool lads.
Chilling in sunny Clifton after my last exam, enjoying sun and freedom. What a feeling.
So that was it. Professional Diploma done. Now holidays till October and going back to Germany next week for summer. YEAH! But as much as I couldn't wait for this relieved moment, being free from essays and exams, it's still really sad this great year is over. It's been legendary and lots of people aren't staying on for the BA and are leaving. Mixed feelings.
Anyway, I can't stop watching this trailer. So so nice! I'm so going to watch this movie!
“Who is the happiest of men? He who values the merits of others, and in their pleasure takes joy, even as though t'were his own.” Johann Wolfgang of Goethe
Haven't been on here for a while. Exam stress. Though handed in all essays today and since this morning I have only one exam left. Don't mind being examined on analysing a Radiohead song haha. And then I have finished my first year at Uni waaahh!!
Thursday night was splendid. I performed at Metropolis in front of important people. Made me proud to get such lovely feedback and see all the other talented folks playing. It's just nice to see that things are actually paying off. Great night.
This song puts me in a bright mood. Plus the drummer reminds me of someone I've spend a night with. I think there is nothing sexier than a guy genuinely smiling with a cheeky touch and sparkling eyes, enjoying himself.
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
Auditions become routine. Especially successful ones. Studio Recording too. I live it.
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” Charles. R. Swindoll
Upon graduation, I promised myself I would never wear a suit, nor would I work in an office. Fate threw me suited up into an office for seven years. This was my tour of duty in the illusory world of hierarchical control, greed, fear and systemic hypnosis. I was living a half-life, and no-one was more aware of this fact than I was. There were, of course, moments of stunning humanity in my time in “the office” working as a financial adviser and all round salesman for the corporate control grid. I met people who inspired me, people who helped propel me out of the locked way of thinking that a big corporation (in my case HBOS PLC) demands of the minds in attendance. But still I remained a slave, wearing my tie as I woke up before dawn to go and sell investments to unsuspecting people.
But fate had different ideas in store for little Charlie. The economic controlled demolition of the world monetary system had me out on the street by the 1st May 2009, jobless. Suddenly I was able to do what I wanted to do, and the destiny I was too scared to enact for myself was thrust upon me, a truly humbling experience – because without losing my job would I be where I am today, megaphone and camera in hand shining a light up the asshole of evil, seeing what it is made of? Who knows…
I bought a camera because I’d had a few experiences where I was spiritually inspired by people in the real world and I thought “If I can do the same for my fellow people, then I want to share with them the best way I know…”, and the spiritual videos were born. We can call them spiritual, we can call them humanistic, we can call them political, some may even call them comedy, though they are not always funny. What I have managed to always be in my work is honest, as dictated by my own beliefs that nothing should be hidden. If I make mistakes, I know that the people will forgive me, as I have to forgive myself. But I hope I can bring my own special method of waking people up to those who need it the most – those, who like I used to be, are trapped in the corporate matrix AND think it is real; those who believe working greedily in an office whilst children die like dogs in Africa is the pinnacle of human evolution. No, none of us think the world is the pinnacle of the way things could be, but we are too scared to change ourselves and the world. The many temptations of money, respect and authority are always with us…until now. You can almost taste the electricity in the air with people waking up and simply not being a part of the consumerist-mediocrity that we hold up. We can now speak to people about conspiracy theories, about spiritual matters, about the esoteric…and we are understood.
Even my father, a conservative-hawk who watches Sky News and has old fashioned views supporting the Empire, now sees that September 11th was not as explained. I wasn’t there, and most probably you, the reader, were not there in Manhattan that day, but like the Swine Flu scare, we have no reason to trust the lies of the governments when we can see with our own eyes a building demolished and blown to pyroclastic smithereens…
I search for the truth. It exists inside me somewhere, and the more work I do for the greater spiritual awakening of all, the more the universe/the source/the absolute cares for me and gently nudges me towards my true path. Again, I feel small than when I contemplate the Absolute Consciousness, but though I feel small, I never feel alone, I never feel unloved, I never feel misunderstood. This is what I want to share with you; the power of working towards losing ego and trusting that Everything is OK…if only we could make it so.
The work that myself and my friends do is purely to inspire you to look within yourself and realise that there is nothing to be scared of. Do not follow us, do not think of us as leaders, do not emulate us, for we are imperfect fools searching as much as you are. The work we do out on the streets is to bring the message of peace and unity to the people who need to hear it most. By holding our ground against the uniformed/costumed Police officers and security that try and tell us how to act, we show a microcosm of the big issues we all face. Think of your fears in a bullet-proof, flourescent jacket, holding a pair of handcuffs. Learn how to stand up for the inviolability of your own soul. I promise you brothers and sisters that there is nothing they can do to you once you realise you are a spirit having a temporary human experience; that you hold all of the secrets of the universe inside your heart, and that you will never die. YOU WILL NEVER DIE. You will live on forever and you are infinitely loved. I cannot tell you this, but you will feel this for yourself soon. This I promise. We all used to think like this, but many of us have forgotten. The glory of remembering is for us all to take.
With so much love and affection which words cannot do justice to,
Tragedies do happen. We can discover the reason, blame others, imagine how different our lives would be had they not occurred. But none of that is important: they did occur, and so be it. From there onward we must put aside the fear that they awoke in us and begin to rebuild.
And I think it's time for DESIDERATA by Max Ehrmann
amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy!
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars'' - Jack Kerouac
This is brilliant. Passauer Lip Dup Click on the link and you will see a bavarian Lip Dup video some friends made back home. So good.
"I realized early on that success was tied to not giving up. Most people in this business gave up and went on to other things. If you simply didn't give up, you would outlast the people who came in on the bus with you." - Harrison Ford
"The most important thing in life is to learn to give out love, and let it come in."– Morrie Schwartz
Today I made it out of my bed and went to Uni. Mr. Sneeze tissues are my only saver right now. My voice dropped like an octave down, some people call it sexy haha, I rather could go without this flu right now. Surprisingly enjoyed Bridging Modules today, only me and guys. It's not about the attention, it's just there's no drama between guys, when too many girls in one room there mostly is. It's rather easy-going, relaxed, no bitching. Just like me. As much as I enjoy my female friends, I definitely need to hang out more with guys as I used to do in the past. Back then I spent 90% of my time with boys only. Yeah.
"The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do."
I've spent my weekend with amazing friends at this massive Stokes Croft Streetfest. Selling self-made cupcakes, dancing on the streets where people just put out their PA's outside and played music, it was great. What a feeling. Less funny was queueing up for an hour in the pouring rain but hey. Even though this party took place only on saturday, I didn't come home until this morning. I had way too much fun to leave my friend's house. We had such a blast.
I think it's amazing how much joy and happiness "just" a double rainbow can bring to one person. It's hilarious hahahahaha bless him :)
Yeah what about not living like it was your last day but living as it was your first?! LIKE!
Other than that, sweet audition with my new song " Take me on " today.
Nice calm superchilled evening, just for my myself, catching up on myself really after all those crazy days.
Tomorrow Stokes Croft Streetfest, yeah I'm game!
Probably the bestest present I ever got! And probably the best invention in awhile.
This thing called " Wreck this journal ". It's like the best book ever. The written image above explains it pretty much. A journal which motivates you to be destructive. Here are just few examples what tasks you are given. And this is going to be my companion for my next travels for sure! YES!
People are asking me why I'm always smiling. Weird question. I always have a spare smile for everybody. "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around"( Leo Buscalgia) But this video explains it very well! Yeah smile your stress away, it's like eating chocolate.