Another sunday afternoon. Well yesterday night was sweet, someway I've ended up in the same location as last saturday. It's nice to meet old friends everywhere you go and to see they happy to see you too! Shortly before that I nearly had a car accident, the white monster's fault! He is still present and mean and so are the snowy streets but I've managed to come back to the road somehow, a short big shock and I've really frightened my poor friend, dont you ever do this again Eva, you're nuts! As I made a big mistake and braked very hard to catch the junction to the left I've almost missed and then yeah lost control of the car for some seconds. I was only laughing afterwards which I always do in critical or awkward situations. Hey we were lucky and I'm aware of my guardian angels!

It's been 3 months ago as one of my best friends died. 3 months, it seems like 3 years for me, it's so surreal!! Everytime I visit the cemetery I feel like to be out of place, I still can't believe it,  I think hardly anyone can if a beloved person has passed away, gone forever. It's incredibly hard to know I will never ever have the chance to talk to him again in this life, to touch him,watch him, hear his contagious laughter, gossip with him,  have fun, have future adventures and moments....
There is no manual which tells you how to behave when a best friend dies. Nobody tells you when it stops to hurt, when it's alright to laugh again without having a bad conscience,when it's time to move on, to get further, when it's time to go back to normal. Reality is knocking on your door way too harsh, it's not waiting! I still have his number in my phone, his e-mail address as if I could give him a call and say, hey whats up? Anything up to? Don't you wanna go out tonight?  I don't know when the time arrives to delete it, to let go. I still can't do it. Memories are all what remain after all. It's just kind of funny feeling that we are still alive and life goes on as if nothing happened.
But if there is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone we love very much, it's the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best. As bizarre  and hard as it sounds, maybe it was. He can rest in peace now.

Märch I miss you dearly, I'm sorry I couldn't care more about you! I've tried but maybe this was not good enough. And I know you're laughing your ass off somewhere there right now, I love you!



By the way Oli Sykes got the lyrics from the direct quotes from a suicide note written by Sergei Yesenin, a russian poet, who wrote the letter in his own blood.

Yes I do swear a lot, not trying to be cool though , some people think they are the more they swear and trying to show off. It's how I handle my emotions I guess and probably it's because germans do it all the time, it's a normal thing as we are allowed to swear even on TV as much as we want! To be honest I don't even realise it most of the time. I'm just doing it. And swearing in bavarian is simply the funniest shit!
I hit upon this book again and I thought I need to leave this on here:

" We will never ever know the ultimate reason for our existence. We might know the how, where and when of being here, but the why will always be a question that remains unasnwered. Right now, while we're here eating, 99 % of the people on this planet are, in their own way, struggling with that very question. Why are we here? Many think they've found the answer in religion or in materialism. Others despair and spend their lives and their money trying to grasp the meaning of it all. A few let the question go unanswered and live for the moment, regardless of the results or the consequences.
Only the brave are aware that the only possible answer to the question is I DON'T KNOW. This might, at first, seem frightening, leaving us terribly vulnerable in our dealings with the world, with the things of the world and with our own sense of our existence. Once we've got over that initial fear, however, we gradually become accustomed to the only possible solution: to follow our dreams. Having the courage to take the steps we always wanted to take is the only way of showing that we trust.
So what's the point of looking for answer then?
We don't look for answer, we accept, and then life becomes much more intense, much more brilliant, because we understand that each minute, each step that we take, has a meaning that goes far beyond us as individuals. We realise that somewhere in time and space this question does have an  answer. We realise that there is a reason for us being her. We plunge into the dark night knowing that there is always someone to guide us, and whether we accept it or not is entirely up to us.
But how will I know who my Soulmate is?
By taking risks, by risking failure, disappointment, disillusion but never ceasing in your search for love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end."

I suppose this is one of the sickest song I've ever heard! They are fucking psychos, bloody good ones.

Dare to err and to dream. Deep meaning often lies in childish plays. [ Friedrich Schiller]

Urghhhhh. Snow doesn't want to stop! I've been freezing my ass off outside. And the white is actually blinding me, GO AWAY!
There is nothing I hate and despise more than ignorance, arrogance, intolerance and fascism. Four complete unnecessary and stupid features and yet they exist. Some people out there seem to be infected. Pathetic and sad!!

A view from the afternoon, the best song and best video ever by Arctic Monkeys and their first too I think. It's off the hook!

I must have been 8 or 9 years old, primary school. This quite famous children's book writer should come and visit our class. Therefore we prepared lots of stuff, some of us were drawing or crafting something pretty and the others were reenacting a play of his book to perform it for him. A huge event and excitement for kids at this age of course! Right. I was in the drama group, sure thing, and wanted to show my abilities as an actress so badly. But there was one thing missing, a director who manages the whole bunch. Unexpected all kids and even my teacher decided without asking me ,just like that, I should do the job. I wasn't keen at all. Democracy sucked suddenly. I felt like getting a raw deal because I was sure nobody would appreciate my part of work if nobody could see me performing . There were those two groups and I was, however, "only" the director, kind of misfit. How unfair! I was very sad about the situation but did my job thoroughly without showing my hurt little heart :) anyway the author arrived, everybody was doing its part and I was the only one who didn't have a chance to impress the writer as I was just sitting there watching. I felt awful. And then this big surprise came. Afterwards he signed autographs and asked out of a sudden who actually was responsible for the awesome play he just saw. And this was me! In front of everybody he thanked me and  honoured my work by writing the most and kindest words in my book. This was my reward. This made me feel special. I got the most attention of the author. I was highly proud and happy.

Why I'm telling this story is because it's a nice example how it works sometimes. How life works. And sometimes it's better to suffer in silence than shouting it from the housetops.

This song awakes old memories in me.

I have no idea what's happening. At the start on this blog I had far too much to say , so I tried to keep it "short" and suddenly I have way to little to tell. Hm. Just a phase I hope!
Anyway it was only friday and its already monday morning now. Don't ask me where the time went? Saturday evening was pretty cool and funny, catching up on night life in my old home district, sober though, didn't mind. Met loads of old friends. I still had my clumsy lapses, an old school mate I haven't seen for about 7 years I had to spill his full drink over us both at the first moment we met, my cellphone which was 100 % in my bag, was found somewhere on the floor by a stranger asking me if the two pieces of a phone belonging to me and oh well old stories as slipping and stuff. Good that I still can laugh about myself that much.

This is a photograph I found in my new sick and epic book 1000 Tattoos by Henk Schiffmacher Laura gave me as a birthday present from denmark. And this lady is Artoria Gibbons. She was 14 years old as she decided to leave home and met this guy called Red Gibbons, a tattoo artist working at a carneval slideshow. He told her the show didn't have a tattoo lady yet and asked her if she would like to be one, she could join the show and see the world. And so she did. Fascinating sight this woman! Very aesthatical I perceive. What if I....The most bewildering thing for me is that this was happening in the early 20s!! I wonder why some people are still shocked about tattoos and very down on this nowadays.

Oh man, I was walking across the street this afternoon and there was this car driving past me, then driving suspiciously slower, turned around and went on full tilt towards me! bah! I thought this guy is insane, suddenly he stopped besides me as I nearly jumped into the ditch, openend the window and who do I see? An old friend of mine haha! I couldnt believe it's him as it's not his area at all, so I laughed, what the hell are you doing here?! It was funny to meet him this way as I haven't seen him for about 1 year but was just talking about him 2 days ago! He asked me if I were on holidays and I said eerrrm no, hehe I'm actually looking for a job and afterwards I'll be studying in Bristol. So he just shook his head and said 'Eva the globetrotter sure whatelse' :)
Whatever my weekend is busy now.
And there is this massive playground I discovered new and so I rocked the swing obviously and had the fun of my day.

While waiting for a 2 am night call I'm gonna write something down.
Today I needed a sudden change. I felt like suffocating in my own four walls. So I spend all day to totally reorganise my room and turned my furniture upside down only to see I don't feel good about any new position and put everything back exactly as it was before at the end of the day!!  Wow what a progress.....

And here are few good advices I try to follow:

Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Never be ashamed, accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted, some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle. You can only know a good wine if you have first tasted a bad one.
 Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it.
Love as much as possible, scream, laugh and cry as much as you want.
Do as little harm to others as you can; make any sacrifice for your true friend and grab all the fun you can. Don't give much thought to yesterday, don't worry about tomorrow, live in the moment, and trust that your existence has meaning even when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos. When life lands a hammer blow in your face, do your best to respond to the hammer as if it had been a cream pie. Sometimes black humor is the only kind we can summon, but even dark laughter can sustain.

That is a very nice acoustic version of this song. Good night!

What shall I say? It's great having friends. It's a big gift I never would take for granted. I very care for friendships cause friendship isn't a big thing, it's a million little things. True friends make you feel good about yourself and expect nothing in return. They stick with you and help you out when you're in a fix. I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Friends make life good and a lot more fun!

Here is a small section of this brilliant Beatles musical movie called Across the Universe I'm so in love with! Dedicated to all my crazy buggers :)

I feel pretty happy today. Ambling Alp by Yeasayer made my day. I immediately fell in love with this song. It  fills my heart with joy! It causes spring fever inside me. I really can't wait for summer.

 I like to make others happy. Makes me happy too. I had this lovely walk with my dog around the lake through the forest, it led me to the little  boat bridge and the fantastic view over the misty white lake, the lights of this small town and the sunset behind it. Gosh, I wish I could have caught this stunning moment. I need a camera! A proper one. It's still real winter though, even my hair got all frozen and white. And I laughed at Laura as it happened to her! I also realized that all my messages I've texted during the last few days never arrived. Shit, was wondering why nobody wasn't answering.

Now the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their complement of highs
And if anyone should cheat you, take advantage of or beat you
Raise your head and wear your wounds with pride!

FUCK YES!

 I'm so stoked about this video and how the song makes a perfect match, I had to put it up. I hope mister Ben doesn't mind :)


Mutiny Bikes - The Lost Mystical from Mutiny Bikes on Vimeo.

I love poppies. I love the flowers, I love the word, I love the colour. A  bright strong red. I have no idea why. I don't think I like them just because it serves for making Opium, do I ? Maybe it's the contrast to the green or to the sky. What I definitely know is I so wish to lie in a field of wild poppies right now, to smell the scent, to touch the warm ground, the endless blue sky above me and the yellow sun tickling my nose. Ohhh would that be lovely!!

Back to concerts. Yes, if  a really good band's playing I try anything. I don't care. If I'm skint and thats what I am most of the time, I'll find a way even if I have to lend some money from my friends, I usually spend my last penny on a gig, I don't mind having no food for the next 5 days, walking with my perforated chucks through high snow till my toes dying off or waiting for hours for the next public transport. It's my passion, it makes me happy to see people like me enjoying good music together and be part of it. A sense of togetherness I belong to for one night.

That's why you need to set priorities in your life and weigh up what's really important to you. I know what is for me.
Sometimes you have to put up with a lot if you wanna achieve something.  I have to. And still not afraid to give up. Several are. That's why they stop or don't even start. I'm not saying I'm not scared. I am. That one who is not afraid, doesn't have courage either. If you're afraid you jump out the window. The brave feels frightened but doesnt let him scare away. In life you need to show some courage, to take some risks to get further. Courage pictures the ways shorter. Don't cut down on things only through fear. Fear disappears and regret stays forever! So what are you still waiting for?
Do it, go! Life's too short to be normal.

Make yourself

The little things are the things that make your day, the things that really count. A smile from a pretty stranger, a flower from a handicapped person, a compliment, a received credit, a handsome gesture, a nice surprise, a funny moment, a hug, a kiss, a thankful face and all sorts of small things which make you feel better, happy and smile.

After writing this I found this poem:

It's the little things that lasts
the little things that impacts the most
genuiness, a kind heart and gentle spirit
easily detected and greatly respected
an uplifting speech
a desire to teach
a helping hand
someone who understands
the little things
love
compassion
humility
or gentle touch
your contribution to such effort
means so much.

written by David J. Hudson

This is a band called Jerx and there is a funny story behind it. They added me randomly on myspace, I got in touch with them and asked about one of their remixes I like so much. They gave me the name of the guy who produced the song and I contacted him. Then it turned out he plays in a band as well which poster I've stolen from a gig. haha as I realised that I was like ahh you know what I think I've got your poster at home and he said, what?! no way! now I know why our posters always disappear mysteriously :)

P.S.: Jerx were so laughing as I told them euphoric I bought their new album for less than 1 euro at ebay! the limited edition with pick and posters of course!

Right. Mister Winter you're a pretty cool guy but it's going too far if I can't open my window without all the snow falling down  from the roof  straight into my bed!!! Please stop that! I would very much appreciate to have air in my room but not having to sleep in snow! Got me?

Here is a german song again but this one is so good I've translated it for you. Obviously it sounds better in german cause it doesn't rhyme in english anymore. And I've translated it within half an hour, so I can't guarantee for the correctness of the text :)

Resistance

Today is such a lovely day, stand up and fight again,
We and Babylon at war until we a gon sleep at night again
The only way to live up bright again is to lift up your voices now!

I’m for love, I’m for those who love to live,
I’m for those who give love even when if it’s hard in life
I’m for those who first experience then think then pass
Instead of talking and only telling to show off
I’m for those who display weakness that we see
And understand that the real wise men see greatness in showing weakness
I’m for those who confront us with ourselves
I’m for those who keep their promise and for those who bite when they bark
I’m for people who sit chained to tracks
Rebelling instead of watching what happens and eating quietly
I’m for neighbours who help, picnic in the park,
For love, peace and harmony, of course I’m for peace in Iraq
I’m for CD’s for less money at Media Markt
That everyone can afford what I say and not only a doc
I’m for more jobs, more workstations, more positions, more labour markets
I’m for everything which makes hope and creates strength every day

[Chorus]

I’m against being against everything but I’m against some things I know
Because some things aren’t necessary
I’m against genetically manipulated vegetables and against pig
I'm against that one think you must be complicated to seem being smart
I’m against being fool, I’m against being nice to some people
Who think they ought to be disrespectful
I’m against bosses they think only to be the chief
You have to be nasty and to kick and shout at the staff
I’m against politics which are constructed to control us
I communicate by composing controversial verses
Come with me and see the world as it is now
Cause I’m against every single fascist who pollutes us with his poison
I’m against animal testing, I’m against cloning of human life.
I’m against that that at this time still millions live in Quonset huts
And man I’m against giving up, I’m against watching when human life perish

[Chorus]

I don’t care what you dig in one year
As long as you’ve got what you need and do what you think everything’s right,
I don’t care how much you know and which master your teacher was
Which emperor your ruler is if you know who you are
I don’t care how much experiences you have if you only stand and don’t move anything and you don’t gain experiences at all, I don’t care how much you party and drink if it’s well cared of the children the next day, no problem
And I don’t care how much criticism I receive, for some tracks cause others say they love the songs,
I don’t care how off- hook you are, just fly away
Cause if you come too close to the sun then you will come back by yourself
Otherwise your wings melt down in a snap
I don’t care how much you lie I just listen to you
Cause some day you get caught up in your own rope
Then it doesn’t matter how much you scream you break your own neck

[Chorus]

Curse feat. Gentleman - Widerstand
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I cant stand people who's entire purpose in life apparently is that they have to moan about everything. It's bad when it snows, it's bad when the sun shines. It's bad when the earth spins. It's bad when it doesn't. It's bad when you're late, it's bad when you're early. It's bad when you laugh, it's bad when you don't. ARGHH!! Sure there are moments when you're pissed off or when something bothers you. But not all the time, all your life! Those people are always upset, they seem not to enjoy anything.The best thing about it is funnily enough that those same are the first to save their own bacon when it matters. Although they purport to hate life. Strange, isn't it?
I'm just tired to listen to all the bullshit, I think some of them adopt all the negativity from the media. Catastrophes, crime, bad bad news as far as they eye can reach! Of course you mustn't blink a fact, in no case! You should be active and not only complaining. But it shouldn't control you!
                                        

By the way we infact live in a media overloaded, consumer, dog -eat -dog and money society. I'm as much involved as you. But is isn't that bad if you listen to this little advice:

Live with your century but do not be its creature!!

Jennifer Rostock: Kopf Oder Zahl
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Today was a nice day. Even though it's chaos on the streets. A fucking nightmare! I really really hate to drive on snow covered streets you can't even tell apart from the fields, you slide around like wild and have to try  not to cause an accident constantly. It's just a bad feeling. And drive 15 miles  only to hear from my friend he must have been wrong about the way and return. haha. But we went sledding. That's the main point!
Nice talking with an old punk friend in a mountain pub and drinking jagatea.

  

  

My way, indefinable. unpredictable. erratic. odd. My future straight. uncertain. heart-stopping. My past unforgettable. My life black and white. I think it's time for Paulo Coelho. I  totally find myself in his texts.

A warrior of light is never predictable.He might dance down the street on his way to work, gaze into the eyes of a complete stranger and speak of love at first sight, or else defend an apparently absurd idea. Warriors of light allow themselves days like these. He is not afraid to weep over ancient sorrows or to feel joy at new discoveries. When he feels that the moment has arrived, he drops everything and goes off on some long-dreamed-of adventure. When he realises that he can do no more, he abandons the fight, but never blames himself for having committed a few unexpected acts of folly. A warrior does not spend his days trying to play the role that others have chosen for him.

The warrior of light does not worry that, to others, his behaviour might seem quite mad. He talks out loud to himself when he is alone. Someone told him that this is the best way of communicating with the angels, and so he takes a chance and tries to make contact. At first, he finds this very difficult. He thinks that he has nothing to say, that he will just repeat the same meaningless twaddle.Even so, the warrior persists. He spends all day talking to his heart. He says things with which he does not agree, he talks utter nonsense. One day, he notices a change in his voice. He realises that he is acting as a channel for some higher wisdom. The warrior may seem mad, but this is just a disguise.

The moment that he begins to walk along it, the warrior of light recognises the Path. Each stone, each bend cries welcome to him. He identifies with the mountains and the streams, he sees something of his own soul in the plants and the animals and the birds of the field. Then he allows his Personal Legend to guide him towards the tasks that life has reserved for him. On some nights, he has nowhere to sleep, on others, he suffers from insomnia. 'That's just how it is,' thinks the warrior. 'I was the one who chose to walk this path.' In these words lies all his power: he chose the path along which he is walking and so has no complaints.

Warriors of light always keep a certain gleam in their eyes.They are of this world, they are part of the lives of other people and they set out on their journey with no saddlebags and no sandals. They are often cowardly. They do not always make the right decisions. They suffer over the most trivial things, they have mean thoughts and sometimes believe they are incapable of growing. They frequently deem themselves unworthy of any blessing or miracle. They are not always quite sure what they are doing here. They spend many sleepless nights, believing that their lives have no meaning. That is why they are warriors of light. Because they make mistakes. Because they ask themselves questions. Because they are looking for a reason - and are sure to find it.

                      
          There is no rainbow without rain

I try to stay cool. I try to keep my composure. There's nothing else I can do right now than trust and be above such things. With my head held high. Even if I might have lost this battle today. "Do not be ashamed to make a temporary withdrawal from the field if you see that your enemy is stronger than you; it is not winning or losing a single battle that matters, but how the war ends."  Maybe I just take the whole thing too serious, so I smile.

Can a name affect a person's life? Are we characterized by our names? Or are we just affected by our genes? Maybe we are only the final products of  our education, the social environement and the influence of others? What about our mind? Is it really free? Fact is at the end of the day only you decide who you wanna be and what you do with it. I'm myself, authentic to everyone and anyone. To all my actions. Who are you?

A bird in a cage. Isn't it ridiculous and ironic to lock up a bird which is meant to fly? The symbol of freedom? Damn It is!

I approximately listen 10 hours daily to music.
Here are the 2 songs of my day.
MIRROR by Post Offense and KILL THE RHYTHM by Gallows.

I wish I was in Cape Town RIGHT NOW. To work in a hyper record shop with ultra cool people. To walk with mega sunglasses fluffy through the Long Street. To surf again. To be damn tanned. To enjoy rocking Tableview with his fresh teenage breeze and feel unlimited. To meet up with friends at the Blouberg beach with an after work beer and watch the unique sunset. To lose your mind in the beauty of the view. To smell the tingly youth. To get a lift on the back of a buggy, feel the freedom of the wind on your skin and beam with happiness. To see wild animals free. To make a braai wherever you want, every day and look at the Milky Way. To eat Koeksister, Biltong and Milktard. To go to Spur and pretend it's your birthday again only to get a song and an ice cream for free. The only thing I don't miss is Trance haha. Sorry guys!

                                     

No kidding! I would leave the country today without hesitation. If there wasn't the unpayable flight.

This is Johnny Neon, some south african weirdos ;) I  LOVE  this video. They only got two, so here we go.

Dogtown and Z-Boys. Amazing story about the birth of extreme! I wish I had a skateboard....
But I'm even too clumsy for snowboarding or skiing, years ago they had to stop the ski lift which was miles long, only because of me! TWICE. Because I ended up driving against a wall and landed in between. I'm still embarrassed about that. Since then never again :P so here's the question,  me?! skateboarding?!?!?! Well let's see, won't be boring though when I try it.

Yaaaaaaay Laura my sweetness visited me today. Cigarettes, beer, silly talks, making fun of each other. Time was passing by so quickly! We had so much to talk about. Goddamn it was nice! AND there's nothing like exchanging Gbs of music. I Love it. Good day! Even though I cut myself  3 times today. Miss her already....

Just by the way, it might be a good idea to put the car keys in first and then trying to drive :) big laugh!

                                                

Throwing snowballs out my roof window at people and hiding, it's fun. Driving a car when it's icy and slidding isn't though! It does good talking with a best friend. Gives me some kind of security. Even in the last sleaziest pub we could find. It's all right as long as you can smoke in there.

I couldn't sleep a wink since 6 am. So I had no choice but to  listen to Prodigy. Loud. The neighbours will thank me.
Age. Age it's just a number. You are as old as you feel. I'm definitely young at heart. Most losing it the older they get. It's their choice not mine.

Ahhhhh I'm nuts about concerts. I'm a maniac at that score! I do really enjoy freaking out to music. Makes me feel alive, makes me happy, makes me free, makes me forget, makes me everything.

THE END

Hey this morning, well or should I say this afternoon, as I woke up I had to think about this sentence and the story about it.
                          

     
              " True love. True pain. True life."

It's a quote of  'Kahlschlag', one of my fave movies. Well this was in the early morning of 1. January 200 , fuck can't remember, 2008? Anyway, I was explaining the story of the movie to my friends, adding my personal opinion. And as I reached to the sentence, I banged my fist very firmly to every word on the table . Apparently everything way too loud cause suddenly  a whole bunch of people I've never seen in my life before were standing up in this cafe full of other guests and applauding me!!!!!! ME! Saying they're impressed with my words and  surprised by my wisdom and maturity at my very young age. I was just sitting there with big amazed eyes, embarrassed,  laughing, shaking my head with my green hair at that time and couldn't believe what just happenend!! This made me pretty proud somehow. A priceless experience. A fucking nice one. Crazy. Thank you so much for this gesture strangers! I won't ever forget it.

 "Which was so hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again,
 into, under, far in between, through it, in it, over and above it"
                                  (Gia Marie Carangi)

I was looking for a picture today and decided to take this one. Thought it's well shocking and provoking.

This morning I was still cross with life, with love, with hope, my feelings, my thoughts and my heart.

So what is love all about? I believe in love. Yes, even I. The fool. Especially I. Especially now. Hope dies last. Desires are too strong. If it only wouldn't hurt so much. Fact is the heart's a mysterious thing.  Mine anyway, it always jumps around like mad. Rampampampam pampam pam bang bang boom! And even more so my emotions, they are like wild horses and they demand to be heard. Sometimes you have to set them free and let them run. Love is some kind of magic, a nuclear power which can lead you to your self- actualisation or to your destruction. Love is likewise the most destructive and most constructive power in the world. Nice prospects!

 I can't tell you what it is but I can't give up on love. With all my crushing experiences. And sometimes I think one thing and do another. Sometimes it seems to be wrong. Than I think about the clock. Cause nothing in the world is ever completely wrong, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. What I wanna say is, everything happens for a reason. I really hope. No I believe. Only if you believe in miracles, they will happen.

Why?

I'm fed up with being choice number two, taking the back seat and ending up lonely as always. I'm fed up with being a fifth wheel over and over again in my life. and putting a good face on the matter. 
 I REFUSE!  I wanna be loved, I wanna be happy too. And for a change I wouldn't mind to have a chance to choose and try my luck I've already found in you. 
This is exactly how I feel today. Every single word. So I won't use my own.

Foo Fighters - Best of you
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